Over the years I have found that the answer to long term success and change isn’t about discipline.  It’s more basic than that.  And while discipline has its place, it will not empower change in your life the way self love and compassion does.  Self love is the key to empowering change.  When you live life through the lense of your worth and value, you begin to move through life the way you were intended to…full of joy and peace.  Your choices become based on what is best for you, not what is easiest or according to what little you think of yourself.

The saying that “What you believe, you become.  What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” -Buddha, could not be more true.  I struggled in my youth with self worth, always comparing myself to others, and believing that I didn’t have what it would take to change or be different…But over the years as I embraced the truths of innate self worth, I found that my value and my whole life began to radically change. 

I want to share with you how the relationship you have with yourself directly impacts your ability to live a happy and fulfilling life, and  how it directly impacts your ability to dream and achieve. I hope with every fiber of my being that you find strength in this.  That you find the encouragement and the empowerment to begin believing in your innate value and self worth as an individual.  A worth that is not tied to a certain weight or age or physical beauty, because all those things are subject to change.  You my love have value that does not change, it is constant.

Your value does not change based on the opinions of others or even on your own opinion about yourself. Your value is innate, it’s part of your humanity and the amazing and capable body that your beautiful soul lives within.  So start believing that you are amazing, beautiful, and valuable because you are!

Eleanore Roosevelt said “ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Let that sink in.  Buddha said, “What you believe, you become.  What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” Let that sink in. You are amazing and valuable and NO ONE can take that away from you unless you let them.  That includes yourself!  When I started changing the way I talked to myself and about myself, everything started to change.  I no longer accepted negative thoughts about myself, and I would no longer participate in putting myself down because I was growing to respect myself too much for that.  And let me tell you something, self respect grows into deep self love and appreciation.

Let me begin by saying that I understand.  I understand what it’s like to feel insecure, ugly, fat, and like I’m not enough.  I understand the pain and anxiety that can accompany those thoughts and feelings, and I understand the loneliness it can bring.

Growing up isn’t always easy, especially for a little brown kid with a white mom, and a very brown dad.  I watched my parents be on the receiving end of hateful comments due to their interracial relationship and “half breed children,” but it never seemed to phase them.  My mom has always been the queen of a glass half full, never caring much about the opinions of others.  They did a great job of teaching us to not let the opinions of others affect us, but then puberty happened lol.  I mean does anyone get through puberty unscathed?

For whatever reason, adolescence and an awkward walk through puberty can leave a mark on anyone.  Its funny when I think back now but man, when you add up braces, acne, and a tendency to only wear hoodies, jeans, and flip flops, and then add on being one of a few brown kids in your entire high school of a 1000 kids….you can develop a little twitch. 

I felt it, like most teens feel it….I didn’t look like the “pretty girls”, I didn’t dress like the “pretty girls,” I wasn’t as tiny as the “pretty girls,” and my lunches always had some sort of smelly ethnic meal in them lol. Thanks mom! 

So all that to say, I get it! I went through it.  And I naively thought my self esteem would get better once I went on to college, and in some ways it did….but in others it didn’t. Fast forward to my mid to late 20s where I had gained a ton of weight, 70lbs more than I weigh today to be exact…..and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  Something needed to change and I was the only one that could change it, no one could do it for me.

It was my senior year in high school and every student was assigned the task of finding a quote that they liked or best suited them, and it would be placed under their picture in the yearbook.  Well sheesh, where was I going to find a quote that I liked that would not add to the awkward senior photo my mom had overpaid for? And I would like to note that my braces were supposed to have come off by my senior year but unfortunately I hadn’t worn my headgear as consistently as I should have so congratulations to me…..I got to enter my freshman year of college with braces, and I took it like a champ. Not really. I cried like a 3 year old that had been told it’s time to leave the park.

So there I was pretending to read my history assignment during study hall when there on the page was the single most life changing quote that would set the course of my adult life.  I know Im sounding dramatic but I’m half latina so bare with me…..Here it is:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt.  

Probably one of the most sobering moments I had ever had as a young person.  It hit me all at once that I had the power. I had the power to decide how to feel! I understood it, but didn’t completely understand it.  But this was my quote, this is what I wanted my life to reflect….That I had the power to choose how I feel about myself and that nothing and no one can influence it unless I allow it.

My journey of self love was beautiful and nonlinear and I wouldn’t change a thing.  It took time, and practice but it completely changed my life.  I’m sitting here writing this with so much joy because I sit here as a healed, happy, confident, joyful individual that believes she can do anything she puts her mind to.  I’m not going to go into the details of my journey in this post because I want to use the time and your attention spans wisely (thank you tiktok for shortening all of our attention spans lol). I want to give you some insight into empowering change in your life. I also want to give you some actionable steps to start your self love journey.

What I mean when I talk about empowering change, is what it takes to help you be successful long term. And as I said earlier, It is self love that will empower lasting change in your life.

If I believe that I am beautiful, that I am valuable, that I am worth taking care of, and that I can do anything I set my mind to…then I am unstoppable!  Your issue is not how you look in clothes, or how much you weigh, or even what others think about you. Your issue is what you believe about yourself.

The practice of self love is what empowers change.  When you practice loving yourself and believing in yourself, NOTHING can stop you! Does it mean you are perfect? NOPE!! It just means you cannot be defeated. Self love is a practice, at first it feels like a muscle you haven’t flexed much if ever. It’s going to feel a little awkward and unnatural.  But like anything, practice and consistency will deliver results.

Let me preface this section by saying that I know.  I know many of you are reading this thinking, but I don’t even know where to start.  There’s nothing that I love about myself, I can’t even imagine practicing loving myself.  I’ve got you! I’ve been there too.  When I started I was 70lbs overweight, insecure, and anxiety ridden.  I couldn’t come up with anything I loved about myself.  So I started smaller.  I made a list of the things I could appreciate about myself.  Now if you still can’t think of a few things you can appreciate about yourself then I want you to call your mom, or your bestie and have them help you make this list.  This list is the starting point and you can’t cross the finish line without starting here.

Step1, Make a List : Make a list of the things you can appreciate or love about yourself.

Examples:

1. I appreciate that my body made two healthy babies
2. I appreciate that my body has been there for me through every crash diet and crazy exercise routine I’ve put it through.
3. I appreciate that I didn’t die back in 2013 when I got the flu and thought I might actually die!
4. I appreciate my thick hair

Step 2,Make Another List: Make a list of kind things to say to yourself.

Examples:

1. I am amazing
2. I am beautiful
3. I am smart
4. I am strong
5. Anything I can imagine, I can have

Step 3, Read This List Every Morning and Every Night:

What I’m about to tell you now is the most important thing after making your list.  Every morning as soon as you wake up, take 5 minutes and sit with yourself in a quiet and private place along with your list.  Look at your list and hold yourself (hug yourself) and repeat these things to yourself.  Say to yourself audibly all the things you appreciate about yourself and then say all the kind affirmations you wrote down for yourself.  Even if you don’t believe them right away, intend on one day believing them and soon you will find that your self hate has turned into appreciation.  

Appreciation will grow into self respect, and self respect will grow into self love.  Do this first thing in the morning and just before you go to bed at night. You’ll have good days and you’ll have bad days. You’ll have good moments and you’ll have bad moments….but remember you are looking for progress not perfection.  You will start to realize that you don’t talk to or about yourself the way you used to.  You will notice that you are more patient with yourself, more kind with yourself, and you will start to realize your true value and worth. 

Step 4, Celebrate The Small Wins

This sounds silly but is super important…Every time you have a small win, applaud yourself with words of affirmation.  Neuroscience confirms that these small celebrations of positive affirmations rewire our brains for success.  They are finding that when you celebrate small wins, the effect it has on your brain is that you experience more self confidence and joy. Just like you praise your children or your puppy when he goes potty….praise yourself.  If you finish your affirmations in the morning, stand up and say “woohoo! I positively impacted my self worth for the day” and clap for yourself! I know it sounds silly but this makes a huge difference in how fast you start to feel change.

I’m so excited for you to try this for yourself that I made a book to help you track everything you’re doing to celebrate yourself every day. It’s called Plantiful Habits, and it has space for you to track your habits and progress. You can get it right here.

Now all that is left to do is to relax.  Don’t worry about if you believe what you are saying or if you are “feeling” different.  It’s the practice that moves you forward, not the perfect execution of it all.  Healing takes time and it can feel like you are taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  Healing can be emotional, frustrating, and completely amazing all at the same time.  So be patient with yourself, and speak kindly to yourself…You are giving yourself the biggest gift you could ever give.  You are beautiful.

Love,
Kiki

P.S. Check out my cookbooks and meal plans to help you along your journey…